Thursday, February 28, 2008
Dalawang ulol (foreigners, di ko alam kung anong bansa)..pupunta raw sila sa Pilipinas...sa Marikina.... para maghanap ng pokpok:
Nag pose ang isang Pinay sa blog:
Posted by: diorella August 10, 2008 at 11:36 AM LOL! :)) lagot kay bayani fernando ang mga yan! hahaha! :)
Bayani Fernando Jokes and Erap Jokes are different.
Erap jokes revolve around "matalinong bobo or bobong matalino or esmarteng tange".
BF Jokes appeals on "paradox, the unexpected".
Bayani Fernando Jokes speak of unexpected virtues amidst decadence. It speaks of practicality and doableness against mediocracy and confusion. BF is really a diffrent presidentiable amidst this confusions around us..may sarili syang mundo..may sariling style at may solution sya sa bahat problema.. brutally honest, paradoxically pro poor....unexpected talaga.
Iba ito....I have handled several presidential campaigns.... I took masteral in AIM, I am finishing my doctorate in Pubic Adminstration in UP...I tell you... BF is too good to be true... sya ang kailangan ng Pilipinas. Wag na nating palagpasin ang pagkakataon, this may not happen again.
I need your contributions on this Bayani Fernando Jokes...just write, dont worry about grammar. Say it in Taglish or Englog...it doesnt matter.
You may write your contribution in a way of a comment to this blog or email me at totidulay @ yahoo.com and I will publish it here. Just tell me if you want to be acknowledge formally or you want to be anonymous.
BAYANI FERNANDO JOKES NG ISANG BLOGGER
how amazing. street of manila had no illegal sidewalk vendor?
Posted by moe at August 23, 2008, 10:03 pm
bayani fernando wasn’t needed then, ne, moe?
i just thought.. if bayani fernando becomes president, baka he’d tear down MILF camps down south kasi sagabal sa sidewalk! hahaha.
Posted by J at August 24, 2008, 1:05 am
SAAN NAGKAPAREHO ANG ERAP JOKES AND BAYANIFERNANDO JOKES ?
Answer: both leads to Malacanang..hehehe..read a blog entry below...
thisisausername wrote on Aug 28
earldbest said reg... many people who are consumed by boredom enjoy making fun of Bayani Fernando, and the article is born
=)) That's why there are a lot of Erap jokes too.
Away sa Blog...Bayani Fernando ang Ginawang Panakot sa mga Foreigners na Iniinsulto ang mga Pinoy...
San Jose, CA
Aug 20, 2008
YOU people haven't learn right now..or in the last 60 yrs......goverment run by filipinos...denegrate to a circus...They can't run anything...are you people idiots ???...you have a mind of a child, an idiot. A goverment run by filipinos are like a goverment run by blacks...in africa...a basket case.
Sep 6, 2008
Marcell, dont ever go to the Philippines.Bayani Fernando will punch your little nose for insulting the Filipinos.You are not welcome in our country.Im serious, there are a bunch of Filipinos now who take nationalism seriuosly.Bayani Fernando is our gang leader.
San Jose, CA
Sep 7, 2008
..who in there right mine wants to go there..???? are you out of your mineeeeee..????? i forgot your a filipono...you have no mine.
Loma De Gato, Philippines
Sep 7, 2008
the correct spelling is "MIND" not "MINE". No wonder you are talking that way,
mother f____ r
NAKAKATAWA TONG YOU TUBE NA TO..TIGNAN NYO, BAHALA NA KUNG MAGALIT SA KIN SI CHAIRMAN BF..MAGSOSORRY NA LANG AKO...
Phil Younghusband of Celebrity Duets has a Bayani Fernando Joke!
We know that Celebrity Duets isn't a permanent thing. So do you have plans after the show?
I don't know right now, maybe I’ll go into show business, who knows. I'm more of a person who doesn't like to plan too far ahead. I like to take things as they come, as long as I'm enjoying myself, I'd do it. It's difficult to tell if I can play football here, since it's not very popular here; it's difficult to play full-time. But I love football, I still watch and play. At the moment though, I'm not too sure. London--who knows, maybe. I take things one at a time. Maybe an album?
I'd run for president if I beat Bayani (Sec. Bayani Fernando, who is also part of the show)! We already have a joke about it--"What would you prefer, an old BF or a good-looking young husband?" (laughs)
Joke to ni PAPABIRTH..bakit natutuwa ang mga Taxi Drivers sa Pink Urinals
Pero alam ninyo ba na sa atin lang walang gaanong epekto iyong public urinals? Pero sa mga taxi drivers, malaki raw ang tulong sa kanila nito. Ilang taxi drivers na kasi ang naka-usap ko eh at sabi nila mabuti na lang daw may public urinals. Kasi buhat daw na nagkaroon nito, iyong mga GULONG DAW NILA, HINDI NA PUMANGHE HEHEHE. JOKE LANG.
Ito hindi Bayani Fernando Joke..pero nakakatawa...basahin mo pare ko. Appatizer palang to....
Ganito Magbigay ng Masamang Balita
KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw.... "Hello, Mister Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, 'yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo."
"O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano't napatawag ka? May problema ba?
"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot."
"'Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? 'Yung nanalo sa bird show?
"Opo, Mister Carlos, 'yun na nga po."
"Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong 'yon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"
"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne...."
"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?"
"W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."
"Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"
"E, 'yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."
"Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"
"'Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."
"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman 'yang pinagsasasabi mo?"
"'Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po 'yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab 'yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy...."
"Ano? Puuut.... E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Para saan 'yung kandila?"
"Para sa burol po."
"Ano? Kaninong burol?
"Sa nanay n'yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu'ng isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Binaril ko."
BF JOKE NI BROD PETE NG BUBBLE GANG:
"Si BF daw, pag nagloloko yung cell phone nya....kinakalas nya ito.. kinukuha ang SIM sabay didilaan..tapos, pagbinalik nya na yung SIM sa cellphone nya, biglang gumagana yung cell phone. Paano nangyari yun? Ba, ambot sa imo..engineer yun , tayo hindi, ang dami mong tanong."
Hoy, mga bata, wag nyong gagayahin to ha...baka makoryente kayo... o kaya baka malunok nyo yung SIM.
BF JOKE NG ISANG WEBSITE
Philippine Official Launches Prayer Campaign To Lessen Floods In Capital
September 27, 2007
Topics light, help and prayer
A senior Philippine official in-charge of managing traffic, garbage collection, and flood control, on Thursday urged the public to pray harder to lessen floods in the capital Manila and nearby cities. Metropolitan Manila Development Authority Chairman Bayani Fernando told reporters during a forum that prayers worked before to bring in needed rains, then it would also help to lessen flooding.
(hoy! dating sacristan yan si BF sa Our Lady of the Abandoned Archdiocesan Shrine nung bata pa sya, kaya di biro yan! seryoso si Chairman hoy, ano ka?)
BF JOKE NI SENYONG GONZALES
Nung kauupo palang Mayor ni BF, may isang taga Pangkalu na pumunta sa opisina nya, excited si kumag, nanalo manok nya eh...humahanngos...sabi eh: "Mayor, may proposal akong project.."
"Oh Bale" (tago natin yung tunay na pangalan ha, buhay pa to eh) "Napasyal ka!!!, ano yung proposal mo?" tanong ni BF.
kwento...kwento....."eh kasi ganito yun, Mayor...hawakan natin ang weteng sa Marikina...malaking pera to..." , sabi ni Bale.
"Ano kamo, huweteng ba kamo...?", tanong ni BF.
"Bale, medyo tumayo tayo ka na dyan sa kinauupuan mo, at baka di ako makapagpigil eh maumbagan pa kita riyan..." , sabi ni BF.
True story daw ito..sabi ni Senyong Gonzales...habang kinukwento nga nya to sa kin eh tawa ng tawa...nalaglag tuloy yung pustiso.
BF JOKE NI BISHOP FRANCIS DE LEON
As retold by Toti Dulay:
Nuong Sabado, sa Dinner Concert Alay sa Inang Maria sa Kap. Moy, ito ang joke ni Bishop Francis de Leon ng OLA.
Una, nirecognized nya na si BF at Gen. Generoso Senga ay naging Sacristan ng OLA nung mga bata pa sila.
Dalawang klase daw ang mga sacristan ng OLA: yung mababait at yung mga bad boys.
Yung mga mababait daw...nagiging General at MMDA Chairman (Bishop..baka maging presidente pa ito)
Yung mga bad boys...nagiging PARI !
yung anak ko kayang si Esdee na 3 taon ng sacristan ng OLA..mabait o bad boy? Sana mabait!
Why Bayani Fernando joined singing contest
Joke By DJ YapPhilippine Daily InquirerFirst Posted 22:06:00 08/26/2008
MANILA, Philippines—Should he win the top plum on "Celebrity Duets," Bayani Fernando, chairman of the Metropolitan Manila Development Authority, already has plans about what to do with his prize money.
"I'm going to use the P1 million to fund my candidacy for president in 2010," he said at a press conference on Tuesday.
Fernando was only kidding, of course, but to those who've heard him talk about his presidential aspirations, Fernando's "joke" didn't seem much like a joke at all.
AN ERRONEOUS WRONG MISTAKE
Naimbita si BF as graduation speaker sa Kidapawan. Papunta sa eskwelahan, kumamay sa kanto. May nag iinuman..sabi ng isang lasing sa kainuman.."Bay, Manila boy ini, sangkay ko iton..sabay turo kay BF".
Pumila yung lasing at kinamayan si BF, sabay sabi, "Magandang hapon po, BAYANI CASIMIRO". Nilapitan ng close in bodyguard ni BF yung lasing, "Sir, FERNANDO po hindi CASIMIRO".
Pumila uit yung lasing, at kumamay ulit, "Magandang hapon po, ADING FERNANDO," ang sabi ng lasing. Masama na tingin nung close in body guard ni BF, nilapitan na naman yung lasing, "BAYANI, hindi ADING", medyo me halo ng pananakot.
Sumingit na sa pila yung lasing, kumamay na naman kay BF, this time, sure na sure na sya, kumamay, sabay sabi ng malakas, "Magandang hapon po BAYANI AGBAYANI."
Nilapitan nung close in body guard yun lasing na tila bang bibibigyan ng lekson..biglang sumunod yung bisor.."hoy, wag mong sasaktan yan, pinagmamalaki pa naman ni chairman na wala pa syang pinapapatay sino man sa buong buhay nya..maximum tolerance tayo...baka magalit si chairman."
BAYANI FERNANDO - SUSAN ROCES TICKET ORGANIZED
After several close door negotiations, Bayani Fernando of Lakas - CMD finally agreed to take Susan Roces as his vice - presidential candidate. The agreement will be confirmed by the Lakas - CMD National Directorate in a few months. Political analyst Prof. Popoy de Vera said that the agreement will be smooth sailing. But he sees problem with the conditions set by the camp of Susan Roces: they want to have the free hand in the selection of the whole Cabinet, making her as the "de facto" prime minister.
De vera was able to get an advanced copy of the proposed cabinet of the Susan Roces Camp.Contrary to elitists' perception, Susan Roces is very prepared to lead the nation to GLORY (with out Gloria) in her capacity as the Vice President of President Bayani Fernando.
In line with parliamentary tradition, Susan recently formed his "shadow cabinet" (a term used to denote the group of people from the opposition who are well versed in policy development and implementation, and waiting to take over the reigns of government once in power). None of the present roster of presidential wannabes can boast such preparation for governance. THE SHADOW CABINET ECONOMIC TEAM - Susan's thrust will be to achieve an ECONOMIC MIRACLE that the country missed in the 80's and 90's. Nobody is better equipped in making this MIRACLE happen than Nora Aunor (Himala). As NEDA Secretary, Sec. Aunor will not draw water from brooks of Kupang (Place of Himala), but would make miracles happen by encouraging people to believe in themselves. According to the future NEDA chief. "Tayo ang gumagawa ng Himala" She will be assisted by Underscretary Madame Auring to guide the government in taking the miraculous path. Sec. Aunor will be supported by Sec. Pepe Pimentel (Finance) and Sec. Roderick Paulate (Budget and Management). As Finance chief, Sec. Pimentel is well aware of where the "Kwarta" is. And no matter how small revenue collection will be, the public purse will be efficiently handled and kept by Budget Secretary Paulate in his "Bayong" with Undersecretary Amy Perez. Finally, the Team is completed by Trade and Industry by the tandem of Sec. Mura and Undersecretary Mahal to make sure that the basic commodities are priced right, neither expensive (Mahal) nor cheap (Mura). SERVICES TEAM - True to his populist color, Susan will give more to those who have less in life. Being allied with the GMA administration, President Bayani Fernando's old post as MMDA Chairman will be given to another Bayani, New MMDA Chair Bayani Agbayani. As such he will scrap the Odd-Even scheme and implement a simpler "Ocho-Ocho" traffic program, i.e., no cars in Edsa from 8amto 8pm. Agriculture Department will be headed by Sec. Vilma Santos to ensure that food supply will be bountiful in all seasons in all regions. Housing, being the cornerstone of the Susan Roces Administration, will be given to an equally regal and competent person, HLURB Secretary Dolphy. As such, he will ensure that the masses get their deserved homes either along the riles (railroads) or airports. The middle class on the other hand will be helped by Undersecretary Nova Villa. The National Youth Commission will be headed by German Moreno so that he can help develop the talents of the millions of Filipino Youth. He will be assisted by Commissioners-At-Large Jojo Veloso and Alfie Lorenzo. Social Welfare portfolio will be given to no less than Sec. Willie Revillame. He will leave his show to prepare for government service. To fund the welfare programs, the young Lucky Manzano will be appointed to the PCSO and PAGCOR. Finally, the Department of Health will be headed by Dr. Vicky Belo. The projects in line are as follows: Oplan Alis Skin Disease, Tangal taba, and Libreng Lipo sa Masa. RESOURCES TEAM - Susan Roce's policy is the full development of our resources for the benefit of the people. Department of Energy will be headed by Sec. Gary Valenciano. No more PPA, just pure energy. The Environment portfolio will be given to Sec. Chin-Chin Gutierrez and supported by Bureau of Forestry Director Rico J. Puno, Mines and Geosciences Directress Gretchen Barreto, and Undersecretary Jimmy Bondoc. DEFENSE AND LAW AND ORDER TEAM - Considering the lack of respect the citizens have for the law of the law, Susan will implement the policy of law without fear or favor. The Defense Department will be given to Sec. Annabel Rama who is feared by the devil himself. If she can handle Ernie Maceda, why not the generals of the AFP. If she can defend Ruffa's integrity despite all her shenanigans, what more the integrity of the national territory. The Department of Interior will be headed by another fighter, Sec. Mystica who is well aware of the workings of the police after figuring in weekly brawls ever since she entered showbiz. She will be assited by PNP Chief Paquito Diaz, an expert on mobs and thugs. FOREIGN AFFAIRS TEAM - Susan will continue the current government's constructive engagement. Among the members of the nation's new foreign service are the following Ambassadors: Africa Union - Susan Africa Austria - Amy Austria Brunei Darusalam - Cristina Gonazalez Colombia - Ace Vergel Germany - Baron Geisler Israel - Dick Israel Jordan - Jordan Herrera Spain - Gerald Madrid Romania - David Bunevacz Russian Federation - Nanette Medved Turkey - Ruffa Gutierrez-Bektas United Kingdom - Princess Punzalan United States - Angelica Jones The Department of Foreign Affairs will be headed by Sec. Melanie Marquez (Miss International) who is very experienced in "international" relationships. OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT - Lastly, to manage all the department secretaries, a function of the Executive Secretary, no less than Exec. Sec. Lily Monteverde will "manage" all of them to make sure that they work in line with government policies. If Mother Lily can manage the whole Regal Family (plus Regal Babies), what more the nation's Official Family. She will be assisted by Presidential Management Staff Sec. Lolit Solis, another "talent" manager. To complete the roster of palace officials, the residential Spokesperson's job will be given not to Boy Abunda nor Cristy Fermin as other have speculated, but to the reliable Sec. Rey Pumaloy (Aminin!) to ensure that the government will not hide anything from the public.
We asked Bayani Fernando if he already reviewed the Susan Roces proposal. He said that "babasahin ko mamaya..me inaayos lang kaming drainage dyan sa Kamuning."
5. Naghihintay nang BF Joke mo!